Kiss goodbye
by Destination Chocolate
Summary: As Hiei lies dying, Kurama muses about life, death, and love. Sweet with a sprinkling of tears. Warning: Yaoi.
1. Gone

**Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, nor do I own Dorothy's death analogy. **

**A/N: I've been listening to way too much sappy music. Thus, I follow in the footsteps of mirrowlin ( a WONDERFUL author and friend) by writing a Hiei x Kurama angst story. **

**Warning: Yaoi. Death. Lots of angst induced ranting.**

*******

I never thought I'd be here. Standing over him as his life slowly leaks from his fallen body. This is happening to someone else. I must have read something sad before going to sleep. Because this could never happen in reality. '_Wake up Kurama_.' I urge myself. Yet I know no amount of pinching will free me from this nightmare.

I never have to worry when Hiei goes into combat. Why should I? As my companion he has proven himself to be a perfect warrior, both in skill and strategy. He's also perfect in other ways, ways no one else sees, and he will never admit to. But don't tell him I told you that. Not that you can. Not anymore.

I said I never have to worry about Hiei. Notice I said, "have to". Because I do. Everytime he goes out of my sight I worry. I worry he'll meet someone. And that that person will bring Hiei one of the two things he denies every having to face. Death or love.

Some people say we should accept death; that it was an inevitable ending given to us at our birth. I say those people have never lost someone that really mattered. The kind of people whose only experience in the matter comes from the TV they watch, or the hamster they had when they were a kid. Because they can always bring back someone in the next season, or buy you another fuzzy pet nearly identical to your first one. You feel sad, you may even cry a bit, but life will go on. Except when it doesn't. 

I would never wish death on Hiei. I would, however, wish love on him. But why wish for someone on someone, when you could bring it to their door? Yes. I loved him. I still do. But in the answer to the door question, it was because I was afraid he'd slam the thing in my face. 

That's what we all fear, isn't it? Rejection, I mean. Hiei made me promise to never love a girl, because she'd break my heart.

I didn't break my promise.

Maybe my pain would be less right now if I had ignored that petty fear. Perhaps I'd be able to live with myself if I knew he had died with my love in his heart. Maybe it wouldn't be here at all. Maybe he would have never gone to fight if he knew I was begging him not to out of love, instead of simply friendship.

Yet what if he _had _stayed with me, at the expense of hundred of innocent lives? Would I rather have that? Of course. Because I probably wouldn't care so deeply about any of those innocents. That's all they would be, innocents. No personality, simply a corpse in a body bag. I suppose that's what anyone but a chosen few would think of the beautiful black haired boy bleeding to death before my eyes. Simply a corpse. Well, almost a corpse. He's still got about a quart in him. And Demons don't die easily. We're not invincible though. No matter how hard we try to believe it.

Hiei believed it, and so did I. I believed we had all the time on earth to tell him what emotions I held for him. Yet even the earth will have it's own judgment day, when all will end. Mine just came a little earlier than I expected. 

So here I find myself, on my own private judgment day. Or should I say Hiei's? No, this is my punishment. He's getting off easy. He won't have to live with this kind of pain, which is now slowly blooming in my heart. 

Hiei lies still, his eyes still open to death. He's gone.

I never even got a kiss good-bye. 

***

**A/N: Wow**. **That was sad. *sniffs * I need some chocolate! *goes off into a corner to cry and choco-binge * On a brighter note, I'm writing another chapter from Hiei's POV. Perhaps you'll read it? *poke poke* **

**Updated 11-10-03: Gah! Another fic I read over and found copious amounts of mistakes and typos in. Bear with me people. Or volunteer to be my Beta-reader ^_^. Either one's fine. **


	2. Here comes the rain

A/N: *wipes nose * this is from Hiei's POV, talking to Kurama as he dies. More angst. So sickly sweet it'll rot your teeth and spike your insulin. 

I once told someone never to fall in love, because they'd have their heart broken.

Kurama, you should know not to follow my advice by now. 

Sometimes I wonder if that promise you made me is what keeps you from making one of the girls at your school the happiest person in the world. If it is, I'm sorry. Yet I'm glad. Because if you ever did, it would make me the most miserable person in the world. 

Yet why a simply promise would keep you from your adoring masses is beyond me. When teasing me, Kuwabara said it was because you felt sorry for me. That comment made me feel smaller than all of his short jokes combined. Yet I would shrink to the size of a pea if it meant you would be with me always. 

For you, Kurama, are not my sun, nor moon. I could live without heat or light. You are another matter.

How ironic I think of all this when I've lost to much blood to move my tongue and jaw to tell you. You kneel by my side, head bowed. No doubt feeling responsible for my death. Idiot. You were the one urging me not to leave. I hated you for doubting me. I remember saying something about hating you as I left. Who knew the last thing I'd say to my beloved would be words of corrosive hatred. 

I can't even feel myself breathing anymore. To tell the truth, I can't feel anything. Yet I can still see, which means my eyes are still open. Great, I've become the bloody staring corpse. What a way for you to remember me, my beloved. 

I've loved you for ages, yet we've never kissed. I suppose it would be to much to ask for a kiss good-bye. 

***Kurama's POV***

Walking away, I think about what I just said. About the kiss good-bye. 

And before I can control myself, I'm running back, fastening my lips to his, repulsed that I've been reduced to taking advantage of him in death. As if I'd ever have the courage to do so in life. "I love you. Remember me in the afterlife," I whisper, and draw away, preparing to make my exit. 

Hm. I must be crying. Because Hiei's cheeks are wet. Reaching up, I feel my own, yet my fingers detect no moisture. And my eyes are dry. Then must be raining. Or I'm going crazy.

Because if he was really crying, then he'd have to still be alive. Yes, I'm going crazy. Because now Hiei's hand just moved. And he blinked. His lips are moving. 

Indulging in my illusion, I lean down, to where I can here him. 

"I'm not dead yet you bastard."

No one has every said anything that ever brought me so much joy.

**A/N: Hehehehehe. You should know I can't stand a sad ending. Onto chapter 3!**


	3. Epilogue

**A/N: This is an Epilogue. Thus the title of the Chapter. This is absolutely pure fluff/sap/yaoi sugary goodness!**

**Kurama's POV**

That was three years ago. 

Thank god Yukina is such a skilled healer, and for Hiei's fighting spirit. I also like to think my little kiss helped him pull through as well.

That first kiss turned out to be the first of many.

Now there are welcome-home kisses, hello kisses, good-morning kisses, good afternoon kisses, and all other kisses in between. But never any good-bye kisses. Sure, there are see-you-latter kisses, see-you-once-I-wake-up kisses, and a few rare see-you-in-a-few-days kisses a plenty. 

But never good-bye. Neither of us can stand to think about that for even a second. Instead, we make use of those precious seconds, expressing our love in every possible fashion. 

Instead of worrying about the future, we focus on today, making every moment last, as if we could preserve these moments for an eternity. 

This moment, in particular, I'd like to remember always. Hiei is sleeping next to me, his soft body curled against mine under the single sheet. Some might think he looks angelic when he sleeps. I disagree. Because angels are dead. And Hiei is very much alive. Thanks to whatever miracle that was performed that bloody night of tears.

Yet without the initial disaster, I don't know if we ever would have ended up like this. That doesn't mean I ever want to take that chance again. But I do. For Hiei's sake.

Fighting is part of who Hiei is. I could never take that away from him. Someday I hope he'll stop the bloodshed, but then, as Hiei says, I'd go crazy with worry worrying about what to worry about. 

Hiei said if he died now, he'd die happy. I don't plan to ever give him the chance to prove it. Not even in a thousand years will I be ready to leave my darling. It bothers me to know I won't have much say in the matter.

But this time, I'll make sure I get my good-bye kiss.

**A/N: Holy crap! I wrote angst. This is scary… blame the evil songs! I listened to:**

**"Still holding out for you" By She Daisy**

**"Punishment" by She Daisy ( is there a theme here?)**

**"Eyes on me" From the Final Fantasy Fandom (don't know who the artist is)**

**"This I promise you" by… *sobs * yes! I like NSync! So sue me! **

**Anyways, please tell me if this was good, bad, horrible, or just plain * insert adjective of choice here*. Also, tell me if I'm a better Humor or Angst writer please. **


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